it is being honest
about
my pain
that makes me invincible.
-yield
Salt, Nayyirah Waheed
Being a black woman, I have always felt that I was almost always expected to emulate strength and resilience. This stereotype that is often imposed on black women did allow me to acknowledge my struggle with depression. And for the longest time; this held me back from seeking help. When I finally did seek help, I realised that my struggle with depression would never have a once-off cure but would take me on a journey. It is from this journey that I would like to share some of the most profound lessons I have learned.
Your emotions are completely valid.
You do not have to defend or explain your emotions to anyone or to yourself. As irrational as the pain and sadness might be; it does not need to make sense for it to be real. Feel what demands to be felt and do not invalidate it. It’s okay not be okay.
In times of war; practice radical self-love.
On the darkest days of the journey; it will often feel like you are at war. At war with what you want to do and what your mind will not allow you to do. The war also seems to be between you and the rest of the world, really. It might sound absurd then for me to tell you to love yourself when it feels like you are using all your energy to fight this war but it is not. Radical self-love is sometimes as simple as refusing to feel guilt for the journey or reminding yourself that you are worthy of life.
You are stronger than you realise.
Depression lies and one of its biggest lie is that you are weak. The journey has taught me it’s okay to feel weak but that does not mean I am weak.
Seek help
“If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.”
― Zora Neale Hurston