Over the past couple of weeks I have learnt that not everyone who is part of your life has the purest of intentions.
I have confronted what it means to have a Comrade, Confidant or a Constituent. In many instances we imagine that most relationships we encounter will turn into friendships or a bond that is beyond the workplace or even beyond a mutual platform you share. That couldn’t have been further from the truth.
I would like to start off my reflections by quoting Bishop TD Jakes.
What do the following mean?
Comrade: “These people are not for you, nor are they for what you are for – they are against what you are against. The comrades will make strange bedfellows. This will cause people to come together who are not for you, not for what you are for, but they are against what you are against. They will team up with you to help fight a greater enemy – but don’t be confused by their association. They will only be with you until the victory is accomplished. These people are like scaffoldings. They come into your life to fulfill a purpose, but when the purpose is completed, the scaffolding is removed. Don’t be upset when the scaffolding is removed because the building always remains.”
Constituents: – “they are not into you. They are into what you are for. They are for what you are for. They are your constituents. As long as you are for what they are for, they will walk with you, work with you and labor with you – but never think they are for you. They are for what you are for. You have to know that because if they meet someone else that will further their agenda, they will leave you and hook up with them because they were never for you. They were just for what you were for. They are your constituents. Throughout your life, particularly if you are broken, you will mistake your constituents for your confidants.”
Confidant: - “are those people in your life that love you unconditionally. They are into you. Whether you are up or down, right or wrong, they are into you. They are in it for the long haul. You get in trouble; they’ll get in trouble with you. They’ll come see you in the jail house. They’ll come get you out of the crack house. You can open up and share anything with them. You’ll never inherit your kingdom until you find your confidant. You can’t be David until you find your Jonathan. Having a good confidant is the key to inheriting your kingdom because you were raised outside the gate and God’s going to call you to reach over the wall. You’ve got to have a confidant behind the wall who can mentor you for what God is going to do next in your life. The problem with most people is that everyone they run around with us under them. So you are forever feeding people who can’t feed you. After years of feeding them, they begin to drain you. You have to have someone who can feed you so you can feed somebody else. The confidants are the few people in your life that are for you. They are with you. They are intimately intertwined in your life. They are there to make sure you reach your destiny. They will confront you. They will get in your face. They will get in your business. They will tell you when you are wrong. “
These three types of people in essence determine the sort of Leader you become, the company you keep is what you will become. If you surround yourself with vindictive, pessimistic , insensitive presence then that is what will become of your energy. The difference between these 3 types of people is the motive, what sets them apart is the intention of their relationship with you.
In any space that you occupy not everyone will be for what you do, there will be people who come into your life and teach you a lesson and when their role is complete they will leave, be weary not to invest too much in those people and safeguard your sanity. Instead be happy about the growth they have made you realise you needed. There will be individuals who try and tarnish your name, they will try and rally the world against you, amidst all of that remain RESOLUTE in who you are, as far as possible try not to react and inflate their agenda. Always remember who your confidants are. Our purpose in life is not to make everyone happy otherwise you will never get anything done, had that been the case we will leave this earth having achieved nothing. Impact far surpasses satisfying people. We experience everyday the presence of comrades who are for a cause but not necessarily for what you believe in. We need to be able to work with these people, we need to be able to accomodate them in our lives and learn from them. The problem then becomes when they try and push their agenda thinking that you will follow suit and be supportive , what do you do?
You see that could be the defining point of whether you are an outcast or you express true leadership and navigate the space in such a way that you dont compromise on your beliefs, this is when diplomacy and respect becomes utterly important. You may not like the agenda but do not make it a problem that will consume your energy, you need to be able to work with others and create harmony.
In leadership we occupy different spaces that promote different causes, in one space you will have a socialist, communist and a capitalist and by no means should it be that any view should discredit the other, all need to be equally acknowledged.
I have realised in that in seeking the dream I want for my life I am challanged to continuously improve and learn, I am aware that diplomacy in certain spaces is necessary for the sake of peace. I am aware that one should never waiver their beliefs due to the opinions of others, never doubt their dreams because others feel they form as part of an injustice to society. But always remain resolute and your actions to not impose on the next persons human rights.
Most important of all be weary of the kind of people in your life, they will either build your character or break it.
once more I would like to Quote Bishop TD Jakes as he speaks on how to be able to let go and embrace the power in goodbye.
” when people can walk away from you let them walk, i dont care how wonderful, they are, how attracted you are to them, or what they did for you 20years ago. When people can walk away from you LET THEM WALK, because your destiny is not tied to the people that left.
The Bible says that they came out from us, that it might be made manifested they were not of us, for have they been of us NO DOUBT they would have continued with us.
People leave you because they not joined to you, you not super glue you cant make them stick to you. You have got know when peoples part in your story is over so that you dont keep trying to raise the dead.
Look at somebody and say Nothing just happens.
If they left you its no accident, if you tried to make it work and it ddnt work its no accident. Accept it as a will of God, clap your hands and wash your faith.
Let me tell you something ive got the gift of goodbye, i believe in goodbye, its not that im hateful its that im faithful and i believe whatever God leaves for me to have he’ll give it to me, and if it takes too much sweat i dont need it
STOP BEGGING PEOPLE TO STAY LET THEM GO!! “