A Networking Fascination

This blog must please be read as a thought process that unfolded as I wrote – kind of like having an argument with myself.

I find myself becoming more and more rational about my reasoning during my time with SAWIP. I love to feel, and be spontaneous in doing so, but when I find myself uncomfortable I need to delve deeper and understand why. Rationalization also helps me move from judging others to understanding them better. My thinking on the concept of networking is driven by this.

Since when did an occasion to simply talk and interact with others need a title? The big ‘N’, networking, an official event on evening programs for us these days. We have been prepped on how to network in Washington, how to hold ourselves, how and what to speak, when to give out business cards. Everyone in our group approaches these situations in different ways and it fascinates me how we have taken what is essentially the core of human existence – interaction with others – and turned it into a game, a mechanical operation.

We’re very open about what it means; simply, an opportunity to develop superficial connections now in the hopes of more beneficial relationships in the future. Although I find I am able to participate in this relatively easily, I instinctively shudder at the idea; falseness is something I dislike in people and prostituting my time and energy in this way does not sit well with me. I think it is indicative of the society I live in generally; we often tend to interact with others only when there’s something that we want from them.

But maybe I need to climb a little off my high horse.

I’ve said before that I don’t think people ever act purely in the interests of others, that we are all driven by our own incentives. This could be the wannabe-economist inside me breaking through, but it’s proved over and over again in all aspects of business, family life, volunteer work, our closest relationships, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing; if you get satisfaction out of helping someone then that’s fine in my eyes.

By my own reasoning therefore I must therefore accept that nothing I do, including any of my interactions with others, is done without some benefit for me. What difference, then, is formalizing it through this process of networking? In fact, is it not better that it is acknowledged for being what it is, rather than everyone pretending they are together for something else? Unless I am actively pretending to be something I’m not, small talk, swopping of cards, only asking questions that I have an interest in hearing the answers to does not necessarily mean that I am not being genuine.

The idea of ‘selective networking’ – engaging deeply only with people who you think can further your ambitions – holds some appeal but it limits too heavily the avenues through which we are able to learn. Some of the best conversations I’ve had came from the unexpected. We often pay positive lip service to the idea that there is something that we can learn from every person, no matter how important we may regard them as, and, as Jess said in a recent post, if we truly believe this then we should apply the same interest to everyone we meet, not just those we think we can get something from.

The major reason, though, why I dislike networking derives from the world that I think it represents; an exclusive and highly unequal set of circumstances that I am able to access only through my being privileged, not necessarily because I deserve it, because of my ability or because of my need. That it’s “who you know not what you know” scares me when I think of what this implies for most of the world that do not have this access.

I can’t pretend that my aversion to the idea of networking does not also have something to do with my own image. It’s got to do with the type of person that I want people to see me as; someone with integrity and respect. These two delicious words are full of different meanings; here (informed by some previous semantic-style discussions in our group) I see it as meaning taking a genuine interest in others in your dealings with them, having their interests in mind and not just your own.

For over a year all I did every day was strike up conversations and form relationships with people to whom I had little connection, often in the hopes of getting something out; a bed, food, directions, friends. What I have learnt is that my most meaningful and beneficial connections, the ones that last the longest, create the best opportunities and provide me with the greatest happiness, are those that I put time and effort into and where I asked questions that sought to understand rather than simply know.