Have you ever felt a moment of relief so overwhelming that you can't help but scream to let it all out! To feel it better. Hearing your voice echo as the only sound in the dead of the night. There is no tension anymore! You feel lighter. You collapse to the ground and wish you could hug the earth. The night is so cold and your nose is frozen. The icy air makes you really feel every breath you take. And none of it is horrible. It could possibly be one of the best feelings you've ever felt. You wish you feel this free everyday.

You sometimes tend to draw a veil over all the great experiences that you've had because there is just too much hurt, awkwardness, guilt and feelings of unclarity that imprison you. But when everything around you seems to be sleeping, your head is open and the silence enveloping you is not suffocating you anymore. It's not that scary anymore to hear your thoughts and to deal with the realization of what you've become, of who you are and of what you want to be.

My dreams are big. But chasing them gives me a thrill. Wanting them makes sense. I'm sure when i live them it would be unreal. I'm living my dream every day. I only dream of being alive. I dream of feeling alive. Whether I'm on the calmest ocean or roughest sea. I journey on it with confidence that i will conquer it. As much fear as i have i won't be overpowered by it. For after all it's mine. It's mine to take and i should not allow it to frighten me.

I get chills just thinking about it. Not my dream and what it would be for it to become my reality, but the thought of dying and not achieving it. Death encapsulates all of us whether we admit it or not. I definitely have a fear of it.

Everyone loses out when someone dies. I just want to live so badly. Trying to make the most of everyday seems so impossible because you don't have that much time. You either spending it at some job that you have no choice but to do or there are other things that tie you down and keep you from doing what you want to do. It wears you out. It doesn't give you that craving you once had to live. I want to feel alive everyday of my life. I don't want a moment of boredom. I don't want to feel stuck. I don't want to feel like anything that I did today was a waste of time. Whether I spent it in bed or worked hard. I want to feel like it was worth it to get to today. I don't want to waste the little time I have left to live on making someone else's life a nightmare. I want people to want to be around me because I make them feel loved. I want to spend everyday with all the people I love, I want to make a new friend every day. I want to learn and see something amazing everyday and every day I want to feel like this life is worth living and I can't wait for the next. I want to learn to breath every new day. I want to feel breathless and then take a deep breath and be thankful that I could.

We need so much to survive. Not true. We need so little to survive but we need so much to live. You need clothing, food and drink to survive but to live you need companionship, excitement, laughter, shock, love... you need to cry to feel alive and so much more. The only thing we start off with is time. So precious and so taken for granted. That is all that life becomes to most. Just time passing them by day by day.

The above is one of my journal entries from January 2009 from my time in New York as an au pair, which I thought was appropriate for describing how I am feeling now. With only two weeks left our Washington DC component of our entire SAWIP experience, my thoughts are wrapped around how many days we still have here and how I plan on spending it. I plan on spending it with my friends making this experience more memorable than it already is. I'll have no regrets at the end of this experience because no matter how I decided to spend my time here, I know that it was with loved ones. You can never go wrong with a day spent with them.

Camille

My South African and SAWIP Story

Intense in the beginning. Strenuous yet Invigorating during. But Life changing and Mind shifting throughout.

Right from the start of the SAWIP application process, it has caused me to look at my history and my future plans in a way that I have never before. The amount of introspection that is required to solely complete the application form can either scare you off or awaken in you a daring spirit. Not many people are willing to talk about where they come from if it bares memories that they would rather forget. This program does not allow you to forget. It rather encourages you to face and work through those parts of you, you have tried to leave behind. Although I am not here today to bare my soul to you, I would like to tell you a story about an ambitious dynamic young South African girl who had all the odds against her.

My name is Camille Bernadette Fredericks, I am 24 years old, proudly South African and proudly Capetonian from the Cape flats. I come from an area that is known not for its aspiring youth but for gangsterism, substance abuse and teenage pregnancy. I have gone through my schooling career with peers who are shocked when I tell them where I come from and in even greater disbelief when I tell them I do not have any children. I was afforded the opportunity to go to what was then consider model C schools with children who came from wealthy families and affluent areas. I certainly did not fit in. I was also not the smartest of them all so there was nothing really special about me.

This all changed when I started university. I wanted to be set apart from the rest and I figured that the only way to do that was to out work everyone. Being underestimated was nothing new for me. Beginning my tertiary education, 3 years after I graduated high school, with the juniors I once gave detention. When people hear where I come from they think that because I come from nothing I should settle for whatever I get. While on the other hand I was thinking that I am not here to waste anyone's time and money. Firstly, I'm studying through student loans so I have to work twice as hard to convert them into bursaries. Secondly, I am the first person in my family to strive to obtain a degree. Lastly, the only way out of my circumstance and to relieve my family from our financial constraints, is through my education. The doubt you have in me will not make me lose focus in my end goal. My success is not for me alone but for those who have supported me and sacrificed greatly for me. Every pathway to attaining your dreams demands great sacrifice and sometimes you forget that it might not be your own sacrifice. Archbishop Desmond Tutu reminds us of this when he said "when you are in a crowd, and you stand out from the crowd, it is usually because you are being carried on the shoulders of others".

The beginning of the year was challenging for me as I was nearly not able to study. I was then awarded the prestigious Mandela Rhodes Scholarship that is a clear example of Nelson Mandela's emphasis on human solidarity. This scholarship has not only allowed me to continue my studies but it has been the only income for my family. Thanks to Mandela's investment in education, and now more personally my education, I am able to be a part of this phenomenal program SAWIP, which is equipping me with skills that go beyond the scope of just leadership. SAWIP recognizes the South African need for strong, accountable leaders with a clear vision of prosperity for our nation. I have been placed in a position of responsibility where leadership potential has been recognized in me, and my development as a leader is their investment. I am being equipped with skills beyond my field of study in order to make an impactful difference in my community where innovation is appreciated, the importance of education is realized and the need for social entrepreneurship is identified. As youth we feel that SAWIP has given us the confidence and created a platform for us to voice our opinions. There is a great need for youth to get involved in coming up with the solutions for the problems of our country and the only way we can achieve that is if platforms such as these are created and our current leaders invest their time in us and work with us to make us not only the future leaders they would like for our country but also the leaders we need for our country.

I am grateful to SAWIP. For grooming future young South African leaders is not an easy task. You need to be able to instill confidence without reaching arrogance. You need to inculcate virtue and humility without exposing weakness. And you need to strengthen democracy by creating a culture of appreciation for diversity, upholding Mandela's legacy of resolving conflict through reconciliation with the aim of making human solidarity our way of life.

Some of us often find ourselves trying to catch up in life. For adults it might be all about time management, but for scholars with the Higher Achievement Program at Kelly Miller Middle School, it's all about receiving better schooling.

The program is designed in such a way that it develops 5th to 8th grade learners from lower income areas in Washington D.C. through study hall, mentoring and the summer academy. The curriculum for the summer program focuses on advancing the learners scope of education to a level of excellence which will assist them on getting into great high schools.

Today was the first day that I met this years group of 7th grade scholars. I greeted them with such enthusiasm and by their response I could tell that they are not much different from South African 7th graders. Getting buy in from these learners is such a difficult part of the program. They realize that it is for the benefit to be in the summer academy but they are not entirely thrilled about it. The issue with public schools in lower income areas is that they are generally considered not nearly as good as public schools in higher income areas. We have been told that the public schooling system is depending on the property taxes of the area. Therefore, due to it being a lower income area, not much property tax is being paid and evidently there is a low investment in the public schools.

Another issue that could be considered as a hindrance to these scholars receiving the best education possible is that they are not allowed to attend schools outside their area of residence. Therefore, HAP attempts to counter the effects of this on the learners and giving them a better chance at getting into better high schools. The program has been successful in getting 95% of their scholars who graduate from the program into excellent high schools across D.C. and assisting them with applying for funding such as scholarships.

Although the public schooling systems in South Africa is different in that it is not dependent on property taxes, I do wish that there was such an amazing and advanced after school program and vacation school program in place, to assist learners who struggle in school. The program is also free for learners and depend solely on grants and personal donations to run. Most tutoring programs in South Africa are extremely expensive and almost non existent on 'lower income areas'. Throughout my schooling career I always saw education as the only way out of my circumstance and the only way that I could attain a better future than most youth in my area was to study hard.

Another important aspect of the program is that it not only concentrates on improving scholars academically but it also teaches them vital social skills such as self-awareness. They also equip scholars with leadership skills, responsibility, autonomy, confidence and teaches them the ability to reflect on their actions. Having the opportunity to observe the facilitators interact with the scholars and being able to assist them, made me realize that the only thing most of these scholars need is someone to invest time in them. I hope that the time that I spend with them can be something of value to them. I do not have much to offer except my experience as a youth and my struggles with academics. Their first activity for the day was to describe the attributes needed to be a part of a program such as HAP. They highlighted three important components for success: hard work, preparation and practice.

We have finally arrived to the Capitol of the world. The excitement is consuming and we are ready to take Washington DC by storm. I think we all arrived with high expectations on what the city has to offer and what the people we meet have to offer, which is not always good if you want to enjoy your experience as expectations could lead to great disappointment.

Throughout the program we have been encouraged by alumni to make the most of our experience in DC as it is after all a once in a lifetime opportunity in a place where there are many open doors, you just have to find the courage to go through them. We have been here for less than a week and already we are meeting tremendously influential people. I did find it strange, however, that many of these individuals are South Africans. I can't understand why we would have to come all the way to the USA to meet leaders of South Africa. Then I have come to understand that their presence here is important for promoting the growth of our country. South African ambassadors and representatives in various fields paving the way for us the next generation of South African leaders and ensuring that South Africa has a global voice that matters. This is what SAWIP does for us. It closes the gap between current South African leaders and young future South African leaders.

The first reaction I received from an American when I told her that I am from South Africa was "wow shame!". I was not at all offended as funny enough this was a girl who was raising funds for Africa. At a dialogue we attended at the Capitol Visitors Centre, a Somalian man told me "oh don't worry, Mandela will be fine", after he noticed on my business card that I am South African. I was quite shocked and of course asked him "so you know Mandela?". I was so confused that he was so assured that Mandela would be fine since he said that he never even met Mandela. He said the reason why he said that Mandela will be fine was because South Africa will be fine.

The faith that this complete stranger and foreigner showed in our country, is what we all should demonstrate. There are many times when people try to give us the impression that our country will not persevere because of the problems we face and how we approach them. Then there are people who have more hope in our country than we as citizens do. I think these are the people we should be listening to and surrounding ourselves with. Since if they see a bright future for our country then surely we should be the ones working towards it.

What is culture? To me, culture is the mutual belief systems, religions, food, social habits and traditions of a specific group of people. You usually follow or inherit the cultural beliefs of your parents, the group that you identify with and you may even pick up some cultural habits of the society you live in.

When we were asked to define what culture means to us and give a description of our culture to a partner, it was rather difficult for me. When I asked my partner, Olwethu, to go first, it was even more difficult. He shared with me in depth traditions of his culture such as initiation, their clothing, the food and some beliefs that were really interesting. After this I felt rather uncultured or that my culture lacked the richness of his.

It has always been rather difficult for me to describe my culture, especially when asked to mention things that is specific to my culture. This is partially because as an African woman people believe me to belong to an African culture. Also, I have not entirely adopted the culture of my parents. Yes, I grew up in a Christian home and I am Christian. However, some of the societal habits, traditions and belief systems I cannot relate with. This may be because I find myself identifying with a more western culture where I've become more individualistic in some sense. It may seem harsh to be able to relate more to an individualistic culture since it could mean that you have no regard for your neighbor and you do not really care about anyone other than yourself. The lack of Ubuntu could be disturbing for any South African since it is such a big part of who we are. I do care for my fellow human being and my neighbor. I do realize that I am only because of others.

I have grown up in a place where you have to put your well being first and the well being of your immediate family is more important than the group or community as an entirety.

This might be a harsh reality but taking care of my family takes priority over everything always. I give when I am at the means to do so but I cannot give when I can barely provide for my own. Living like this in a community that needs so much can be very frustrating for someone who believes that you have a choice and can form your future into one that is more favorable for you. You can't leave everything to chance and wait for someone to come and save you, you have to go and make opportunities for yourself. Handouts are nonexistent, you have to work for everything you want. This may be because this is what my mother ingrained in me that you will always get what you want if you are willing to put the hard work in to get it. To me this is reality but to someone else it may seem easier said than done.

We were warned that we might experience culture shock and some might get it worse than others. Having been to the USA before I don't quite remember having culture shock. I stayed in a place where the people hardly knew their next door neighbor. This did not bother me at all. However, where I live everyone knows everyone and they make it their business to know your business. It may seem intruding but at least when I come home at night and I have to open the garage on my own, I know that there is a nosy neighbor peeping through their windows and if anything should happen they won't hesitate to make their presence known. It is somewhat comforting.

I do expect my experience this time to to be much different from the last time I was in the USA. Now I get to go with an amazing group of people and a wonderful organization. This is possibly because I feel that my purpose this time is greater. I leave as an ambassador for Bishop Lavis, Parow High School, the University of the Western Cape and South Africa.

What my culture is will be what I want it to be. I might even have a mixture of different cultures but I am certainly not uncultured.

In a focus group for a linguistics research thesis, we were posed the question: 'what does the identity coloured mean to you as a post apartheid colored youth?'. The room went silent as we waited for anyone else other than ourselves to answer. For the purpose of the study we were all coloured youths between the ages of 19 to 24. Then the facilitator asked: "how does it make you feel when people call you colored? Or you have to tick off colored under the race section on a form? Or people make comments such as 'that 's so colored of you!". Firstly, I thought that this was very dangerous ground that we are treading on as whatever we say is taken as generalizations of what other colored youth might be thinking. Secondly, I don't like to think of myself as post apartheid youth as it is often misconstrued. Lastly, in a country that has so much healing to do,are we as youth realizing this and what are we doing to help?

The remark made by one of the participants was that "if black South African people find the term black to be derogatory, and they are allowed to tick off African, then why are we as 'coloured' people allowing ourselves to still be called colored in a democratic country? Surely, it should be fair that we are also called African. Did our parents and grandparents not also fight for freedom alongside other Africans?" This of course came from a place of extreme frustration and hurt for this person. I was actually moved as I could see that it took a lot of courage for him to express his thoughts and feelings so openly on such a sensitive topic. So my question was 'if you do not appreciate being called colored and consider it to be a derogatory term then why allow people to call you that and why not tick off 'other' or 'I do not wish to answer?'. Exasperated from his surge of adrenalin and shocked from my response, he answered "I am the color of my skin in this country. I can never escape my race as I am stuck between two other race groups fighting for superiority, dominance and power. The middle is where we will always find ourselves".

This was a scary realization as everyone else in the group nodded d'accord. I was dumbfounded since I believe that the current youth of South Africa are our visionary change makers and healers for our country. However, if one group feels so hopeless about their place in the country, and we need everyone to contribute to make an impactful change, how is our democracy working for us? If everything we say has to be sensitized and politically correct so as not to hurt anyone's feelings, how do we work through our frustrations and start the healing process? Have we really overcome the struggle and moving forward?

I wish everyone could attend the workshops that I have been attending through SAWIP. There are always mind shifting perspectives and insightful opinions. Your way of thinking will always change after a workshop especially if you think that you knew everything you needed to know about a subject. These issues of identity are difficult to digest and many of us are afraid to talk about it. It is even more so in an extremely diverse country where there are several mixed races. What do you then consider yourself to be? And which race will you identify with more? Is your bloodline or race then less pure? Is homogeneity over-rated or would a homogeneous society be easier to live in? If you asked me what my identity is and I answered " I am a coloured South African female", what thoughts does this bring up in your mind?

I am a coloured South African female...can you identify with this?

Trying to keep your head, trying to do all that is expected of you, trying to complete tasks on time and to the best of your ability not allowing your grades to slip…

This is everything that I have been TRYING to do for the past 2 months and just when I think I have a handle on things and I’m coping, a new challenge comes along like exams. I have been juggling all my SAWIP responsibilities, my academics and extramural commitments. Most of the time I think to myself this is impossible. There is no way I can finish everything I need to do and still have time to spend with my family. Then I talk to my team and I feel tons better. We have such an amazing support system. They remind me that I am not the only one with these feeling and somehow we will get through it as we always do. We just need to push and persevere and keep faith.

With merely days to go to our departure to DC I am feeling the pressure. There is such a rush to get everything together in preparation for what is going to be a life changing experience. I am definitely overwhelmed with all these mixed emotions of excitement, uncertainty and fear. In our session with Joe at Stellenbosch about the American culture, he asked us if we are excited and I said no and his response was “you’re broken”. This of course was hilarious since I was the only one feeling this way. It is expected of us to be excited by now, however, with everything else going on it is hard to be excited just yet. During the session we met American exchange students Matt and Emily who gave us an idea of what to expect. After socializing with them post session I started feeling the excitement. We started making plans of things we have to do to have a true American Summer experience and it meant so much to me that they were willing to help us adjust once we arrive.

It made me remember how fortunate I am to have been chosen for this wonderful program. I would never have had the opportunity to be exposed to the great things we have been so far, and meet and learn from so many remarkable individuals who have overcome adversity and are true survivors. I am grateful to be a part of this team and plan on making the best of our time in Washington DC.

Being groomed as a leader is not an easy process. It comes with great challenges and responsibilities. However, whatever is thrown your way, you are capable of overcoming and making the best of it. Your potential has been recognized and wonderful people have decided to invest in you, the rest of the development of it is in your hands.

No pressure…

On visiting the Solms-Delta farm yesterday, we were taken through a journey of the farms history by a very inspiring woman, Marcia. She had the courage to share her life experience on the farm with us and how she found herself to be talented, motivated and encouraged enough to change her circumstances.

If you have read any of my previous blogs, you should know by now that I take a very personal perspective when it comes to these wonderful communities that we are being exposed to through SAWIP. I always think of my own life and how I can learn from these extraordinary individuals who have not forgotten their social responsibility towards their community in the process of empowering themselves.

Marcia stayed on the farm for 21 years, out of her class of 4 Matriculants, she was the only one who passed and had a Matric Ball. She described that day as bitter-sweet because she drove past her classmates, and they were sitting along the road as she was dressed up and on her way to her matric ball. She felt pleased with herself that she was able to persevere and make it that far, however, she was deeply saddened by the fact that her classmates could not make their education a priority.

This story brought something very relative to mind. The fact that we all might be afforded the same opportunities and one might take more away from it than the other. In Marcia's case, her classmates received the same education as she did, however, they did not possess the same drive as she did. She also said that she had the advantage of loving, supportive and encouraging parents. I feel that this has always been my advantage.

I have a mother that does not expect any more from me than for me to stay away from drug abuse, alcoholism and, her biggest fear, falling pregnant before I have a career. So far I have done good. She always told me to steer away from the stigma that is attached to colored girls, that all they are good for is reproduction. I am of course not saying this to step on any toes but my mother really felt this way. She told my sister and I: 'once you have a child, your life is over, is that really all you want for yourself? I see so much more for you.' She made us believe that we are capable of greatness and all we see in our community is not what we should be striving for. We should be reaching for the moon and one day make our way back home to teach others that they are capable of such greatness too. Marcia highlighted today how important this self belief and faith from loved ones are.

The burning question today was whether or not the fact that the farm owners are giving their workers so many things such as housing, water, electricity and education for their children. I asked Marcia whether or not this was to the detriment of the workers and their families. She answered me very wisely saying that they have earned what they are receiving today through the hardships they faced previously. Yes, we have struggled and we look back and are thankful for those times as they have made us stronger, wiser, determined and ambitious. We would, however, not want our people to have to face those hardships forever.

Education for their children is the most important investment for this community and I feel that it should be for all communities. It is so important for them that the farm owners gave them DSTV! This was of course shocking for me as I see it as a luxury that only a fortunate few can afford and I couldn't understand the link it had to educating the children. The CEO explained this logic to us very simply. He said that if the kids were to go to the outside world beyond their homestead, they would have seen enough things on tv to avoid them from having intense culture shock. The television holds a wealth of social knowledge that he wants the kids of the community to be exposed to and benefit from.

So all these benefits are afforded to the farm workers and their families, and like Marcia, I feel that the farm owners sincerely had the best interest of their community at heart. The huge investment that they have placed in the youth of the community is commendable. Yes, we do not know what they will do with it but that is up to them. This is the case in many communities. Youth are afforded equal opportunities but it still depends on them whether they want to take full advantage of it and develop themselves.

Cami

It is as simple as that. Anything we do for others means nothing if it is not done with love. This is the message I found highlighted in our community service/interaction session in Robertson on Saturday 4 May 2013. The motto of the Graham and Rhona Beck Skills Centre is “nothing less, than our utmost best”. It is always heartwarming when you meet individuals who are willing to give so selflessly back to their community. It is, however, sad when you find that they feel that the change they want to see is not happening fast enough. It is easy for us to congregate and decide what we can do to contribute towards the well being of a community which we are not a part of because in essence, whatever the outcome may be, it will not affect our own well being. As a team it is different for us. We are passionate about making a difference, leaving our mark, being impactful. Yet, we realize that we are faced with constraints beyond our control. It causes me great frustration that we can only do so much in such a short period of time and hope that it is sustainable and has a ripple effect throughout the community. I could relate to so much of the challenges the people of Robertson are faced with because it is very similar to that of my own community. The issues of teenage pregnancy, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, substance abuse, and the issue that moves me the most because of its often overlooked importance, the lack of community leaders and role models. The problem that people seemed to be having was that they could not see life beyond the mountains that surround them. What we would consider a stunning view was a major hindrance for the development of this community because no one could see a future beyond it. The fact that the elders of the community lacked this vision is somewhat expected because as humans do, they get comfortable and prefer the known and start resisting change. However, it is shocking to find that none of the youth have dreams beyond that mountain. They are uninspired, unmotivated and unambitious. This of course is not an insult at all to the youth of the community but rather what should be seen as a result of the lack of guidance and leadership. They have never come across anyone in the community who has gone beyond the mountain and come back to tell tales of their successes in order to encourage them to do the same. They have no one to admire or to describe as the person they wish to be like some day. There is no one to uplift them and motivate them to dream big. I was lucky enough to grow up in a community where domestic violence, substance abuse, teenage pregnancies and youth dropping out of schools are rampant issues. However unfortunate this may seem, my fortune can be measured by the guidance I received through love by my mother. I had someone who thought of me as their greatest investment and who encouraged me to work hard towards my dreams and never give up. To summarize my thoughts, I end with these three quotes: “The world lies in the hands of those who have the courage to dream and who take the risk of living out their dreams – each according to his or her own talent.” – The Valkyries “Love does not ask many questions, because with thinking comes fear. This might be the fear of being scorned, being rejected or breaking the spell. However ridiculous this may seem, that is how it is. This is why one does not ask, one acts.” – By the river Piedra I sat down and wept. “To teach is to show what is possible; to learn is to make yourself possible.” – The Pilgrimage

When resources or opportunities seem limited, you rely on and strengthen your faith to open doors for you. At least that is what I did and I found SAWIP or more like it haunted me until I applied. The canvassing on UWC campus was so brilliant that everywhere I turned I would find myself staring at a SAWIP poster. The possibility that I could be on the 2013 team never quite crossed my mind. I applied with the hope that I could be a part of such an amazing program but with the doubt that I was worthy.

Then I received a date for an interview, an invitation to selection camp and just like that my life changed. It feels as though it was yesterday that I was on my way to selection camp with a group of strangers who would quickly become my friends. The anxiety I felt was overcome by my excitement for what is to come. I had no idea what to expect but I knew that it was up to me to make the most of the experience. After the weekend I never felt as exhausted as I did on the last day.

It was an overwhelming experience to be surrounded by so many top achievers, like minded individuals and incredible leaders in there own right. We stayed up all hours of the morning trying to get to know every single individual since anyone of us could make up the team of 2013. The caliber of contenders was unbelievable but everyone had such a humble spirit that it was not at all intimidating. My aim was to be myself and never feel the need to be anyone else. My authenticity was all I had to impress. I left the camp feeling uncertain about receiving a place on the team. I felt as though any 15 of the 32 could be selected and it would make complete sense as to why, since everyone had something valuable to offer the team.

I spent the Monday after the selection camp constantly checking my phone, making sure that it was fully charged and I had not missed a call. Then while I was in my 18h30 class, my phone rings. The call that I had been waiting for all day had finally come through, and I was unprepared. Thinking about the outcome all day, how it could go either way, did not prepare me at all. I listened to what Kim had to say swallowing with her every word as suddenly my throat went dry and I was at a loss for words. Then she finally said that I was selected for a place on the team. I was ecstatic then and it still has not quite sunken in.

I came into this experience wide-eyed, open to new experiences and eager to learn. I have learned so much about myself, about my country and the future leaders of my country that I am privileged to be a part of. I am finding out how I function in a team, what my place is in this team and the type of leader I aspire to be. I believe I still have so much more to learn and I am fortunate to have SAWIP take me on this journey to teach me.