We are back home safely in South Africa. My experiences in Washington D.C., were beyond amazing. I cannot think of a single appropriate adjective in my dictionary that I would not use to describe my DC experiences. It was that fantastic, and more! Now that we are back on home ground, I will be able to reflect in depth about the past few weeks. This post-DC reflection is a re-telling of the last night in DC. I almost thought that I was lost, again...

We had our farewell reception on Friday evening. Shortly after midnight while at a place called My Brother’s Place for our farewell after party, I decided that I had to go home since I wanted to be up early to pack and run a few errands on Saturday morning. My host sister, Molly, and I checked the bus times on her cell phone, I said goodbye and left with a few people going to the Metro (train) Station, although we were all going to different directions.

I got off at Dupont Circle Metro Station, and must have waited at the bus stop for over half an hour. Just as I was about to return to the subway, a group of youth walked my way to join me in waiting for the bus. I asked if they could please check at what time we could expect the next bus. The web results returned with the news that there were “no [bus time] predictions” until 6am. I immediately thanked them and went back on the Metro Station to the Tenleytown AU stop. Upon arrival, I found it pouring with rain. I boarded a shuttle, homeward bound. As soon as I spotted Nebraska Ave and Ward Circle through the misty glass windows, I got off the bus at the next stop. I must have really been deep in thought because I got off at the wrong bus stop, although, I did not realise this immediately. It was only after walking a few, brief steps that I saw, read, and heard (as if I could hear the Metro Bus voice saying) Westover Place. I was thoroughly irritated with myself, although I managed a slight giggle. This time round, I wasn’t lost, entirely. I knew at least two routes to get me home. I kept walking while trying to text and holding up my umbrella to prevent the rain from making me feel damper. I tried hailing down two taxi’s, but neither stopped.

I had $ 0.59 remaining credit on my cell phone. This meant that I could send text messages, but not make outgoing phone calls. In-between texting Molly to inform her that I was still not home, almost 2 hours after leaving our farewell party, and asking her to call me back, I learnt that Molly could not get through to me because of the low credit on my phone. This meant that I could only send and receive text messages. However, I could not make nor receive phone calls. I felt so embarrassed. Fortunately, I made friends along the way. I introduced myself to Travis and Shatavari who were walking a few feet behind me. I was honest about my situation and asked if I could use one of their phones to call a taxi. They kindly agreed. During my call to the taxi operating centre, the operator asked me for my name. Now, on any other day, I would have slowly said Makhosazana and if the need arose, repeated my name by clearly enunciating my name in its five syllables as Ma-kho-sa-za-na. However, considering the time of day, and the fact that it was not my cell phone bill I was running up, I told the lady on the line that I am Khosi, a shortened version of my name. Within 5 minutes, a taxi came to pick me up.

A man named Adam from Ethiopia drove me home. After exchanging greetings and deciding on a route home, he gave me a word of caution. He had tried reaching me on my cell phone before he found me at my said location. Since I was unable to receive incoming calls, he was unable to reach me. I know that I was at fault. I apologised. I was happy when we turned into my DC home street.

I have retold this story several times. I have been laughed at and even called a moemish (moomish/mumish – subject to spelling preferences) by my dear SAWIPers. There are plentiful DC experiences that we will share on and reflect on for years to come. Ironically, this feeling of being lost, is one that I am currently carrying with me. I am back to what has been familiar to me for the greatest part of my life. And yet, I cannot help but feel somewhat displaced, somewhat lost. It’s uneasy for me to say exactly what this lost feeling is about right now. I am certain that with time, thought and work, I’ll figure it out. I will feel re-positioned and ready to steer on. Although, I may need to change direction and that may lead to me getting lost, again. Still, I am hopeful that this journey forth will find me and bring me back home, home to serve and to serve well.

I have had the pleasure of being a summer associate at the International Finance Corporation Head Quarters (IFC-HQ) over the past month. I worked as part of a young, dynamic team part of the private sector window of the Global Agriculture & Food Security Program (GAFSP).

During my stay, I attended the IFC summer internship program welcoming and orientation workshop. And it is here that I began to receive a greater understanding of the IFC and it’s role as part of the World Bank Group. The IFC’s values are fittingly found in and lived through the word excited, whereby, EXCITED is an acronym for:

EX – Excellence C – Commitment I – Integrity TE – TEamwork and D – Diversity

Although the time I spent learning with and from the GAFSP team was short, I loved it. A great big thank you to Laura, Alex, Juan and Yoshi for their invaluable time and teachings. I feel enriched having known you. And yes, also very excited about this journey forward.

On 10 July 2012, the SAWIP Class of 2012 had the opportunity of meeting with Congressman John Robert Lewis to engage in his first-hand account on the US Civil Rights Movement. Following his arrival into his office, our natural inclination was to rise and greet him. However, he insisted that we remain seated. Still, we rose to welcome him and to show pay him tribute. He walked around the room and greeted us all, individually, with a handshake. What was most significant about his personal greeting with each of us was that he made eye contact while welcoming us in person with a handshake.

During our interaction with Congressman Lewis, and in hearing him share his life experiences, I caught myself silently shedding tears. In knowing myself, I am not easily moved to tears, and so this feeling annoyingly surprised me. However, I allowed myself to embrace the moment and emotions. I continued to listen, humbled and in tears.

It is uneasy for me to identify exactly why I was moved to tears during this particular gathering. I accept that. I recognize that too often we (as human beings) wear masks pretending to and not to feel. Within society, showing tears is sometimes seen as a social flaw. Now, whether this is a sign of weakness, or not, I am not concerned because of the likely complexities involved in our personal stories. Congressman Lewis shared an account when he was moved to tears and I found it refreshing on how that symbolized the notion of conquering through the words “we shall overcome.”

I have found myself being lost. Several times, I have been lost, and have come to find myself. As ambiguous as this is, it has been and is my story. On one hand, I have been lost due to losing direction on my way to a particular destination. While on the other hand, I have also been lost because I simply did not comprehend some or other concept, event, or situation. What holds true about being lost, is that through every encounter, I have found myself. Serendipitously, in one way or another, I have come to discover lessons that have steered me in a specific direction.

I recall being in unplanned, unfamiliar territory, and therefore lost, with company and on my own. During the times that I have been lost with a friend or two, I have always found comfort in knowing that I am not alone. Having someone with me to share in my fears and sense of adventure made the journey of finding the destination less daunting.

My recent trip to the US Consulate for my VISA application proved no different to me being lost. I had prepared as best as I could. However, I got lost along the way. I made several wrong turns. I drove around in circles. And pulled up on more than one occasion to call a friend or ask a fuel attendant to help me find direction, to safely reach my destination. During this time of frantic panic because I was lost, late and thirsty, I had to stop myself to remind myself that I would get to where I needed to go. I had to stay calm. Yes, I was running late. And I knew that there was nothing I could do then to change that. However, what was most important was my safe arrival. At this stage, time became irrelevant. I came to that realisation when I knew that panic would get me nowhere. I had to claim back my composure. The urgency of my situation, the thoughts I had racing in my mind and the vehicles around me, all had me so fixated on being lost, that I had to force myself into a mind shift. I knew that inasmuch as I could and did receive help from friends and friendly strangers, I had to navigate myself to where I needed to go. I had to be self-reliant. No one was going to rescue me. I had, in a sense, and in the words of American essayist, poet and philosopher Henry David Thoreau:

“[I] went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived.”

I recall declaring to my friend Lungelwa that I actually enjoy being lost. I enjoy the journey and lessons that come with self-discovery. I have been told, and I am learning, that one of the best things about being in your twenties is finding oneself. I believe that spending time alone is key to knowing your true self. Solitude allows us to initially stop, then re-search and re-direct.

As we continue with our daily discoveries, may we remember to ever so often STOP. May we be courageous to reassess our directions and ponder on the following:

to STOP is to Sit Think Observe Plan

There are certain choices that I have made in my life that when I think back to have sincerely been life changing. In retrospect, the process of making these decisions stirred all sorts of emotions within me. They caused me to feel great excitement for the incredible possibilities that lay ahead, a sense of being overwhelmed and a tad bit of anxiety of the unknown. For all such choices in my life, I have spent some time quietly contemplating the impact that my decisions would have not only on myself, but also on my family, closest friends and communities. One such decision that I made in High School was to continue with my studies to broaden my knowledge, skills and perspective by attending University.

I am a first generation student. This means that I am the first in my nuclear family to attend University. Leaving home to attend University in a small town approximately 18 hours drive away from my family was a difficult, but necessary decision. Although there were adjustments and sacrifices that had to be made, we made the necessary changes to adapt. I am privileged to have a wonderfully supportive family. Throughout my University career, I have been faced with some easy, and at times, less-easy choices. I believe that I have undertaken many decisions with a great sense of caution and careful consideration. I view reflection as an integral element that guides me in major life choices. At the start of 2012, I had to re-assess my life and make decisions accordingly.

The decision to apply for SAWIP is another example of a life changing choice in my life. I was drawn by the level of introspection that was required in completing the application forms. The process allowed me critically think about who I am and where I am growing and going towards. I had to ask myself probing questions to properly assess my state of being. During the SAWIP selection camp, I felt incredibly inspired by the soaring calibre of young leaders in our country. I was particularly encouraged by the personal stories that were shared. As a people, we constantly need to adapt to the challenges that we face in our lives. At times, changes in our lives require some sacrifice and great flexibility. Story telling is a valuable tool that can be used in getting to know people. Through stories, I have learnt of the humble spirit of selflessness that people have. With that, a common trend that I have observed in people is that of an attitude of remaining firmly grounded in their morals and beliefs system. I admire such characteristics.

As part of our SAWIP leadership development curriculum, we have had discussions on matters that have required elements of radical transformation. We spoke of and spoke to active citizens. Individuals like Vicky Ntozini and Vivian Zilo showed personal initiative and courageous commitment to make the necessary changes in their lives to make significant contributions to their communities. The spirit of selflessness and servant leadership that these women have shown to their families and communities inspires me. During our talk with Adv. Keith Matthee, it became apparent just how necessary we need to hold each other accountable on delivering on the promises laid out in Our Constitution.

To the SAWIP Class of 2012, I hope that this journey will continue to inspire us all as we grow through change in respect, in service, in loving kindness and ethical leadership.