We are back home safely in South Africa. My experiences in Washington D.C., were beyond amazing. I cannot think of a single appropriate adjective in my dictionary that I would not use to describe my DC experiences. It was that fantastic, and more! Now that we are back on home ground, I will be able to reflect in depth about the past few weeks. This post-DC reflection is a re-telling of the last night in DC. I almost thought that I was lost, again...

We had our farewell reception on Friday evening. Shortly after midnight while at a place called My Brother’s Place for our farewell after party, I decided that I had to go home since I wanted to be up early to pack and run a few errands on Saturday morning. My host sister, Molly, and I checked the bus times on her cell phone, I said goodbye and left with a few people going to the Metro (train) Station, although we were all going to different directions.

I got off at Dupont Circle Metro Station, and must have waited at the bus stop for over half an hour. Just as I was about to return to the subway, a group of youth walked my way to join me in waiting for the bus. I asked if they could please check at what time we could expect the next bus. The web results returned with the news that there were “no [bus time] predictions” until 6am. I immediately thanked them and went back on the Metro Station to the Tenleytown AU stop. Upon arrival, I found it pouring with rain. I boarded a shuttle, homeward bound. As soon as I spotted Nebraska Ave and Ward Circle through the misty glass windows, I got off the bus at the next stop. I must have really been deep in thought because I got off at the wrong bus stop, although, I did not realise this immediately. It was only after walking a few, brief steps that I saw, read, and heard (as if I could hear the Metro Bus voice saying) Westover Place. I was thoroughly irritated with myself, although I managed a slight giggle. This time round, I wasn’t lost, entirely. I knew at least two routes to get me home. I kept walking while trying to text and holding up my umbrella to prevent the rain from making me feel damper. I tried hailing down two taxi’s, but neither stopped.

I had $ 0.59 remaining credit on my cell phone. This meant that I could send text messages, but not make outgoing phone calls. In-between texting Molly to inform her that I was still not home, almost 2 hours after leaving our farewell party, and asking her to call me back, I learnt that Molly could not get through to me because of the low credit on my phone. This meant that I could only send and receive text messages. However, I could not make nor receive phone calls. I felt so embarrassed. Fortunately, I made friends along the way. I introduced myself to Travis and Shatavari who were walking a few feet behind me. I was honest about my situation and asked if I could use one of their phones to call a taxi. They kindly agreed. During my call to the taxi operating centre, the operator asked me for my name. Now, on any other day, I would have slowly said Makhosazana and if the need arose, repeated my name by clearly enunciating my name in its five syllables as Ma-kho-sa-za-na. However, considering the time of day, and the fact that it was not my cell phone bill I was running up, I told the lady on the line that I am Khosi, a shortened version of my name. Within 5 minutes, a taxi came to pick me up.

A man named Adam from Ethiopia drove me home. After exchanging greetings and deciding on a route home, he gave me a word of caution. He had tried reaching me on my cell phone before he found me at my said location. Since I was unable to receive incoming calls, he was unable to reach me. I know that I was at fault. I apologised. I was happy when we turned into my DC home street.

I have retold this story several times. I have been laughed at and even called a moemish (moomish/mumish – subject to spelling preferences) by my dear SAWIPers. There are plentiful DC experiences that we will share on and reflect on for years to come. Ironically, this feeling of being lost, is one that I am currently carrying with me. I am back to what has been familiar to me for the greatest part of my life. And yet, I cannot help but feel somewhat displaced, somewhat lost. It’s uneasy for me to say exactly what this lost feeling is about right now. I am certain that with time, thought and work, I’ll figure it out. I will feel re-positioned and ready to steer on. Although, I may need to change direction and that may lead to me getting lost, again. Still, I am hopeful that this journey forth will find me and bring me back home, home to serve and to serve well.

We often hear of the notion of how people have “made it.” This view of having “made it” refers to that of success. However, we seldom hear of how, when and why people do not succeed (or rather, why they fail) in their endeavours. During a leadership dinner hosted by SAWIP board member Karin Strydom, we addressed this issue.

Harvey Floyd, from the Center for Creative Leadership, raised the concern on how industry leaders are openly willing to share in their success stories, yet seldom candidly admit their failures. In response to this issue, Renosi Mokate, an executive board director of the World Bank, shared a story in which she acknowledged a letdown. After matriculating top of her class, her parents encouraged her to complete her A-levels because they felt that she was too young to immediately begin her university career. Since she did not particularly want to do her A-levels, this resulted in her not performing very well in her A-level studies. Based on this admitted failure, she had a different mindset and approach when she started her university career. Moreover, in a way of claiming back her potential, she graduated top of her class with her undergraduate degree.

Sharing life experiences and lessons of successes and failures can be an effective tool of mentoring. Whether the outcome of an endeavour results in success or failure depends on the sequence of events following the first step. Often times, this initial step involves a measure of risk. Similarly to the board game of Monopoly that I grew up playing, taking chances may cause uncertainty driven by fear. However, the fear of failure should not be a limitation for taking steps to fulfilling our dreams. Instead, when we recognize our shortfalls, we should take steps to counter them by admitting our imperfections, re-assessing the situation and taking steps to make improvements, and thereby learning through the changes.

I have found myself being lost. Several times, I have been lost, and have come to find myself. As ambiguous as this is, it has been and is my story. On one hand, I have been lost due to losing direction on my way to a particular destination. While on the other hand, I have also been lost because I simply did not comprehend some or other concept, event, or situation. What holds true about being lost, is that through every encounter, I have found myself. Serendipitously, in one way or another, I have come to discover lessons that have steered me in a specific direction.

I recall being in unplanned, unfamiliar territory, and therefore lost, with company and on my own. During the times that I have been lost with a friend or two, I have always found comfort in knowing that I am not alone. Having someone with me to share in my fears and sense of adventure made the journey of finding the destination less daunting.

My recent trip to the US Consulate for my VISA application proved no different to me being lost. I had prepared as best as I could. However, I got lost along the way. I made several wrong turns. I drove around in circles. And pulled up on more than one occasion to call a friend or ask a fuel attendant to help me find direction, to safely reach my destination. During this time of frantic panic because I was lost, late and thirsty, I had to stop myself to remind myself that I would get to where I needed to go. I had to stay calm. Yes, I was running late. And I knew that there was nothing I could do then to change that. However, what was most important was my safe arrival. At this stage, time became irrelevant. I came to that realisation when I knew that panic would get me nowhere. I had to claim back my composure. The urgency of my situation, the thoughts I had racing in my mind and the vehicles around me, all had me so fixated on being lost, that I had to force myself into a mind shift. I knew that inasmuch as I could and did receive help from friends and friendly strangers, I had to navigate myself to where I needed to go. I had to be self-reliant. No one was going to rescue me. I had, in a sense, and in the words of American essayist, poet and philosopher Henry David Thoreau:

“[I] went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived.”

I recall declaring to my friend Lungelwa that I actually enjoy being lost. I enjoy the journey and lessons that come with self-discovery. I have been told, and I am learning, that one of the best things about being in your twenties is finding oneself. I believe that spending time alone is key to knowing your true self. Solitude allows us to initially stop, then re-search and re-direct.

As we continue with our daily discoveries, may we remember to ever so often STOP. May we be courageous to reassess our directions and ponder on the following:

to STOP is to Sit Think Observe Plan

Sometimes words escape me. It seems as if I cannot find the words to best explain my thoughts, ideas and feelings. I am fortunate to have found poetry. It is my outlet to try make sense of it all. Below is my first SAWIP poem, it was inspired by nature and people.

Worker ants as active citizens

Everyone stares at the big elephant in the room

They know that it cannot be moved single-handedly

The task seems overwhelmingly insurmountable

Clouds of uncertainty should not cast a shadow of doubt

The elephant is not a mountain; therefore, it can be moved

The vision is clear

Plans are made and a model is developed

A strategy is in place

Seasons change. It has always been a dynamic equilibrium

Elastic flexibility in the master plan was in place

Autumn winds and frostbite winter

Arab Spring and summer harvests

The silence is breaking

(I fail to understand why is was golden)

We are recruiting for worker ants

We are in the business of fostering symbiotic relationships

We will eat the elephant one bite at a time

Rumour has it it’s the best way to right the wrongs

Slowly, surely, trusting worker ants get to work

Together everyone accomplishes more