…And so, a prediction, and my heartfelt wish for you: as you get older, your self will diminish and you will grow in love. YOU will gradually be replaced by LOVE. If you have kids, that will be a huge moment in your process of self-diminishment. You really won’t care what happens to YOU, as long as they benefit. That’s one reason your parents are so proud and happy today. One of their fondest dreams has come true: you have accomplished something difficult and tangible that has enlarged you as a person and will make your life better, from here on in, forever.

Congratulations, by the way.

When young, we’re anxious – understandably – to find out if we’ve got what it takes. Can we succeed? Can we build a viable life for ourselves? But you – in particular you, of this generation – may have noticed a certain cyclical quality to ambition. You do well in high-school, in hopes of getting into a good college, so you can do well in the good college, in the hopes of getting a good job, so you can do well in the good job so you can…

And this is actually O.K. If we’re going to become kinder, that process has to include taking ourselves seriously – as doers, as accomplishers, as dreamers. We have to do that, to be our best selves.

Still, accomplishment is unreliable. “Succeeding”, whatever that might mean to you, is hard, and the need to do so constantly renews itself (success is like a mountain that keeps growing ahead of you as you hike it), and there’s the very real danger that “succeeding” will take up your whole life, while the big questions go untended.

So, quick, end-of-speech advice: Since, according to me, life is going to be a gradual process of becoming kinder and more loving: Hurry up. Speed it along. Start right now. There’s a confusion in each of us, a sickness, really: selfishness. But there’s also a cure. So be a good and proactive and even somewhat desperate patient on your own behalf – seek out the most efficacious anti-selfishness medicines, energetically, for the rest of your life.

Do all the other things, the ambitious things – travel, get rich, get famous, innovate, lead, fall in love, make and lose fortunes, swim naked in wild jungle rivers (after first having it tested for monkey poop) – but as you do, to the extent that you can, err in the direction of kindness. Do those things that incline you toward the big questions, and avoid the things that would reduce you and make you trivial. That luminous part of you that exists beyond personality – your soul, if you will – is as bright and shining as any that has ever been. Bright as Shakespeare’s, bright as Ghandi’s, bright as Mother Theresa’s. Clear away everything that keeps you separate from this secret luminous place. Believe it exists, come to know it better, nurture it, share its fruits tirelessly.

And someday, in 80 years, when you’re 100, and I’m 134, and we’re both so kind and loving we’re nearly unbearable, drop me a line, let me know how your life has been. I hope you will say: It has been so wonderful.

Congratulations, Class of 2013.

I wish you great happiness, all the luck in the world, and a beautiful summer.”

- George Saunders

…So here’s something I know to be true, although it’s a little corny, and I don’t quite know what to do with it:

What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness.

Those moments when another human being was there, in front of me, suffering, and I responded…sensibly. Reservedly. Mildly.

Or, to look at it from the other end of the telescope: Who, in your life, do you remember most fondly, with the most undeniable feelings of warmth?

Those who were kindest to you, I bet.

It’s a little facile, maybe, and certainly hard to implement, but I’d say, as a goal in life, you could do worse than: Try to be kinder.

Now the million-dollar question: What’s our problem? Why aren’t we kinder?

Here’s what I think:

Each of us is born with a series of built-in confusions that are probably somehow Darwinian. These are: (1) we’re central to the universe (that is, our personal story is the main and most interesting story, the only story, really); (2) we’re separate from the universe (there’s US and then, out there, all that other junk – dogs and swing-sets, and the State of Nebraska and low-hanging clouds and, you know, other people); and (3) we’re permanent (death is real, o.k., sure – for you, but not for me).

Now, we don’t really believe these things – intellectually we know better – but we believe them viscerally, and live by them, and they cause us to prioritize our own needs over the needs of others, even though what we really want, in our hearts, is to be less selfish, more aware of what’s actually happening in the present moment, more open, and more loving.

So, the second million-dollar question: How might we DO this? How might we become more loving, more open, less selfish, more present, less delusional, etc., etc.?

Well, yes, good question.

Unfortunately, I only have three minutes left.

So let me just say this. There are ways. You already know that because, in your life, there have been High Kindness periods and Low Kindness periods, and you know what inclined you toward the former and away from the latter. Education is good; immersing ourselves in a work of art: good; prayer is good; meditation’s good; a frank talk with a dear friend; establishing ourselves in some kind of spiritual tradition – recognizing that there have been countless really smart people before us who have asked these same questions and left behind answers for us.

Because kindness, it turns out, is hard – it starts out all rainbows and puppy dogs, and expands to include…well, everything.

One thing in our favor: some of this “becoming kinder” happens naturally, with age. It might be a simple matter of attrition: as we get older, we come to see how useless it is to be selfish – how illogical, really. We come to love other people and are thereby counter-instructed in our own centrality. We get our butts kicked by real life, and people come to our defense, and help us, and we learn that we’re not separate, and don’t want to be. We see people near and dear to us dropping away, and are gradually convinced that maybe we too will drop away (someday, a long time from now). Most people, as they age, become less selfish and more loving. I think this is true. The great Syracuse poet, Hayden Curruth, said, in a poem written near the end of his life, that he was “mostly Love, now”…

“Down through the ages, a traditional form has evolved for this type of speech, which is: Some old fart, his best years behind him, who, over the course of his life, has made a series of dreadful mistakes (that would be me), gives heartfelt advice to a group of shining, energetic young people, with all of their best years ahead of them (that would be you).

And I intend to respect that tradition.

Now, one useful thing you can do with an old person, in addition to borrowing money from them, or asking them to do one of their old-time “dances” so you can watch, while laughing, is ask: “Looking back, what do you regret?” And they’ll tell you. Sometimes, as you know, they’ll tell you even if you haven’t asked. Sometimes, even when you’ve specifically requested they not tell you, they’ll tell you.

So: What do I regret? Being poor from time to time? Not really. Working terrible jobs, like “knuckle-puller in a slaughterhouse”? (And don’t even ASK what that entails.) No. I don’t regret that. Skinny-dipping in a river in Sumatra, a little buzzed, and looking up and seeing like 300 monkeys sitting on a pipeline, pooping down into the river, the river in which I was swimming, with my open mouth, naked? And getting deathly ill afterwards, and staying sick for the next seven months? Not so much. Do I regret the occasional humiliation? Like once, playing hockey in front of a big crowd, including this girl I really liked, I somehow managed, while falling and emitting this weird whooping noise, to score on my own goalie, while also sending my stick flying into the crowd, nearly hitting the girl? No. I don’t even regret that.

But here’s something I do regret:

In seventh grade, this new kid joined our class. In the interest of confidentiality, her Convocation Speech name will be “ELLEN”. ELLEN was small, shy. She wore those blue cat’s-eye glasses that, at the time, only old ladies wore. When nervous, which was pretty much always, she had a habit of taking a strand of hair into her mouth and chewing on it.

So she came to our school and our neighbourhood, and was mostly ignored, occasionally teased (“Your hair taste good?” – that sort of thing). I could see this hurt her. I still remember the way she’d looked after such an insult: eyes cast down, a little gut-kicked, as if, having just been reminded of her place in things, she was trying, as much as possible, to disappear. After awhile she’d drift away, hair-strand still in her mouth. At home, I imagined, after school, her mother would say, you know: “How was your day, sweetie?” and she’d say, “Oh, fine.” And her mother would say, “Making any friends?” and she’d go, “Sure, lots.”

Sometimes I’d see her hanging around alone in her front yard, as if afraid to leave it.

And then – they moved. That was it. No tragedy, no big final hazing.

One day she was there, next day she wasn’t.

End of story…

Now, why do I regret that? Why, forty-two years later, am I still thing about it? Relative to most of the other kids, I was actually pretty nice to her. I never said an unkind word to her. In fact, I sometimes even (mildly) defended her.

But still. It bothers me…

One of the most valuable nuggets-of-gold that I have acquired in my SAWIP experience is the following: Be kind towards and gentle with others; be generous with complimentary and encouraging words and deeds. This way of being/living was, I thought, particularly well embodied by Glen Ackerman (who is a founding partner of the law firm Ackerman Brown, which is based in Washington, D.C.).

Kindness is defined, in the Oxford Dictionary of English, as “the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. My favourite stories are stories of kindness and selflessness. The people I most enjoy spending time with, are people who are kind. Yet, kindness is something that I struggle with. I do not practice kindness as consistently as I would like to. I am too often selfish. Although I am increasingly “wrestling with my mortality” (as Frank Strasburger, of Princeton in Africa, put it during our session with him in Washington, D.C.), and despite the fact that I know (intellectually) that I am not the centre of the universe, I am too often too self-absorbed to exercise kindness. I am not as generous with my time, heart, resources, forgiveness, encouragement, and affirmation as I could (and believe, ought to) be.

Kindness is an essential feature of day-to-day human and non-human existence and interaction. Kindness is an essential feature of SAWIP. As I reflect on the SAWIP 2013 journey, I realise that it would (1) not have been possible, and (2) not have been the beautiful experience it was, without the kindness of everyone involved. If not for the kindness of the various donors, SAWIP would not have happened; if not for the kindness of the host families involved, we probably would not have been able to have professional exposure opportunities in Washington, D.C.; etc.

My SAWIP journey is strewn with many occurrences of kindness: I remember my host family, the Schneider’s (Mark, Lee, and Ashley), who every day would give us a lift to and, if it was not too late in the evening, pick us up from West Falls Church (metro station). I remember the kindness of the people I interacted with at the World Bank’s Office of Ethics and Business Conduct (where I had my professional exposure). I remember Tim’s regular WhatsApp messages of encouragement. I remember the numerous occasions that Camille gave Cecil, Olwethu, and me a lift to SAWIP events. I remember the moments when I took the risk of revealing myself to someone (something I do seldom and with difficulty) and they responded with kindness. I remember when others acted kindly toward me by revealing themselves to me. I remember the kind words and the words spoken kindly.

George Saunders spoke on the subject of kindness in his Convocation Speech delivered at Syracuse University for the Class of 2013. In the speech (which I have reprinted in three parts in my next three blog posts), he speaks about kindness, the things that work against our actually achieving it, and the risk in focusing too much on “success”. The speech is well worth reading…

One of the reasons I applied for SAWIP was the hope that, if selected, I would establish life-long friendships with the other members of the SAWIP 2013 Team. I hoped that I would meet like-minded and diverse people with whom I could, and would, connect.

As I shared in my first blog post, I applied for SAWIP in both 2010 and 2011. In retrospect, I am glad that I was selected for SAWIP in 2013 (as wonderful as I believe the SAWIP 2010 or SAWIP 2011 experience would have been). I think that, for various reasons, I was meant to be part of the SAWIP 2013 Team. One of those reasons is my team itself. Sharing this experience with Anna-Marie, Camille, Cara, Cecil, Elroy, Jess, Lwamba, Matt, Olwethu, Phillip, Sibahle, Tim, Wiaan, and Zizipho is what has made it the special experience that it has been. They have been a source of support, joy, inspiration, and occasional strife. I am a better person, because we have shared this experience together.

SAWIP is different to many of the leadership development programs that I know of, because the people selected for SAWIP spend a great deal of time together over the course of the program. This allows time and occasion for relationships to form, and for meaningful bonds to be established. I have grown to care deeply for my team, and I have enjoyed every moment of this journey with them.

Although SAWIP 2013 ends with graduation on the 27^th of September, I know that the bonds I have formed with my friends will endure long after the final speech has been said, and I look forward to investing in these most cherished friendships.

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” – Anais Nin

“Do not walk behind me; I may not lead. Do not walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” – Albert Camus

For me, the most difficult aspect of being back in South Africa has been re-adjusting to familiar, everyday routines and experiences that, in comparison to the SAWIP routine in, and experience of, Washington, D.C., seem uninspiring and far-removed from my aspirations and passions. I feel less inspired by, and discontent with, the status-quo of my familiar, everyday life.

This is not the first time that I have had to re-adjust to being back in South Africa after having been abroad, but this time is different and more difficult. Being in Washington, D.C., on SAWIP, broadened my perspective with regards to life’s ‘reality’, possibilities, and opportunities. As I mentioned in my previous blog post, every day was an exciting adventure filled with numerous possibilities.

Two of the recurring themes of the SAWIP Washington, D.C. experience were: “Pursue what you are passionate about (and success will follow)” and “Do not limit yourself (aka, take risks)”. Being in Washington, D.C., on SAWIP, encouraged me to imagine without restrictions, whereas being back in my familiar, everyday life (as it currently is) stifles that creative energy (at least that is what it feels like at the moment).

Yet even in this SAWIP is contributing to my personal growth. This re-adjusting period is forcing me to think deeply about the familiar, everyday life that I want to create for myself. I recognise that most days of my life have been, and will be, the familiar, everyday ones (and not the Washington, D.C. ones, which are a break from the familiar and everyday).

My challenge is to ensure that my familiar, everyday life is something that inspires me. My challenge is to ensure that my familiar, everyday life encourages and promotes imagining without restrictions. My challenge is to ensure that in my familiar, everyday life, I pursue what I am passionate about. My challenge is to ensure that in my familiar, everyday life, I take risks.

As I incorporate this growth (i.e. what I have learnt, and what I am learning), in my life, I am confident that the spring of my discontent will soon become the winter of my discontent.

Being back in South Africa feels rather surreal. I feel like we landed at Dulles International Airport in Washington, D.C just a few days ago. I feel like that magical Friday evening when we walked and ran in the rain en route to Times Square happened just yesterday. I can almost still feel the rain falling on me. It feels like not very long ago that I accidentally dropped my phone down a storm drain (Brennen was only kidding about me throwing my phone away, Sibahle Magadla). It was just a few days ago that I was navigating D.C.’s metro system. It was just a few days ago that I was interacting with, and learning from, my friends on the Washington Ireland Program (WIP) and New Story Leadership (NSL). It was just last week that I was hanging out with my SAWIP team-mates. Just last week I was interning at the World Bank. It was only 4 days ago that I watched the sunrise from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. How quickly time has passed!

While in the USA, I made a concerted effort to appreciate and be fully present in every moment. I lived each of the 39 days (12 June – 20 July) we spent in the USA with a sense of awe and disbelief that what was happening was actually happening. Every day was a thrilling adventure that held great promise, and I did my best to make the most of it. I would often say (to Lwamba Chisaka’s great annoyance): “Can we just take a moment to appreciate that we are in Washington, D.C.?” (Lwamba’s response was: “If you have to take a moment to appreciate the moment, then you are not living in the moment.”)

Now that we are back in South Africa, I am finding it difficult to #stayinthemoment the way I managed to do while in the USA. Now that I have returned to my ‘normal’, everyday life, I am finding it difficult to view each day as a thrilling adventure. Yet I recognise that if my D.C. experience is to have any relevance post-D.C., then I must apply the lessons that I learned, and adopt the attitude that I adopted, in D.C., in my ‘normal’, everyday life in South Africa. Just as I chose to appreciate and be fully present in every moment in D.C., so I must now choose to appreciate and be fully present in every moment in South Africa.

The truth is that every day in South Africa is a thrilling adventure that holds great promise. South Africa is an exciting place to be because its challenges provide numerous opportunities to make a difference and to make things better.

SAWIP does not end after the D.C. experience. The D.C. experience has better-equipped us to be and effect the change we wish to see in South Africa.

I have been reminded, over the past 22 days that I have been in these United States, that while people may live in different parts of the world and have different cultures, people are, in essence, the same: people are people wherever you go. Irrespective of where we live, or what we look like, or what we belief; we share a common humanity. I have been reminded that what we have in common is of greater importance than our differences, and that our present and future are inescapably bound together. The actions of individual lives impact each other in the past, present, and future. David Mitchell, in his book Cloud Atlas, expresses this truth beautifully: “Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.”

Related to the above-mentioned, one of the themes that has stood out for me, in our collective and in my individual interactions with various individuals and organizations over the last 22 days, is the importance of “soft skills”: a sociological term relating to a person’s Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ). Soft skills include: the ability to be kind and gentle, listen well, communicate effectively, be positive, handle conflict, accept responsibility, take initiative, show respect, build trust, work well with others, manage time effectively, accept criticism, etc. “Hard skills” refer to a person’s skill-set and ability to perform a certain type of task or activity. Hard skills would include knowledge, machine operation, sales administration, etc. Unlike hard skills, soft skills relate to a person’s ability to interact effectively with others.

Soft skills, like hard skills, can (and ought to) be learnt and continuously improved. They are important because we become who we are (and will become who we will be), and will achieve what we achieve, both personally and professionally, in relationship/interaction with others.

…

“Not one day in anyone’s life is an uneventful day, no day without profound meaning, no matter how dull and boring it might seem, no matter whether you are a seamstress or a queen, a shoeshine boy or a movie star, a renowned philosopher or a Down’s-syndrome child. Because in everyday of your life, there are opportunities to perform little kindnesses for others, both by conscious acts of the will and unconscious example. Each smallest act of kindness – even just words of hope when they are needed, the remembrance of a birthday, a compliment that engenders a smile – reverberates across great distances and spans of time, affecting lives unknown to the one whose generous spirit was the source of this good echo, because kindness is passed on and grows each time it is passed, until a simple courtesy becomes an act of selfless courage years later and far away. Likewise, each small meanness, each thoughtless expression of hatred, each envious and bitter act, regardless of how petty, can inspire others, and is therefore the seed that ultimately produces evil fruit, poisoning people whom you have never met and never will. All human lives are so profoundly and intricately entwined – those dead, those living, those generations yet to come – that the fate of all is the fate of each, and the hope of humanity rests in every heart and in every pair of hands. Therefore, after every failure, we are obliged to strive again for success, and when faced with the end of one thing, we must build something new and better in the ashes, just as from pain and grief, we must weave hope, for each of us is a thread critical to the strength – to the very survival of the human tapestry. Every hour in every life contains such often-unrecognised potential to affect the world that the great days and thrilling possibilities are combined always in this momentous day.”

- Dean Koontz, From the Corner of His Eye

Speech given at an event held at The Woodrow Wilson Center, and in partnership between the South Africa – Washington International Program and The Woodrow Wilson Center. The topic of the event was: “Driving the African Century: Youth, Technology, and Entrepreneurship”. The event focused on the prospects for African economic growth in the 21^st century.

As a result of the colour of my skin, I would (because of South Africa’s apartheid history) be considered previously disadvantaged. I, however, consider myself to be a privileged South African citizen. This status is something that I am always conscious of. With this privilege comes the responsibility to contribute to nation-building in South Africa, which involves addressing the socio-economic remnants of apartheid. This is a responsibility that I accept.

Good afternoon. My name is Mario Meyer. For the next few minutes, I would like to share with you my thoughts concerning entrepreneurship regarding the theme: “Driving the African Century: Youth, Technology, and Entrepreneurship”. I begin by sharing with you the story of how I have come to define “entrepreneurship” as I do.

Over the last 7 years, I have been a part of various leadership development programs, which have provided me with mind-set and skill-set broadening exposure. One of the leadership development programs that I have been a part of is the Mandela Rhodes Scholarship, which is administered by the Mandela Rhodes Foundation. The Mandela Rhodes Foundation is one of Madiba’s three legacy foundations, and aims to help build exceptional leadership capacity in Africa. The core values sought for in recipients of the Mandela Rhodes Scholarship are: reconciliation, education, leadership, and entrepreneurship.

Of these four values, “entrepreneurship” was the one I least identified with when I became a Mandela Rhodes Scholar. My understanding of “entrepreneurship” was limited to the traditional for-profit business model, and I did not think that I possessed neither the mind-set nor the skill-set to succeed in “that” field. The Mandela Rhodes Scholarship experience helped me re-define entrepreneurship as a mind-set: as a belief in innovation and creativity, and in the critical role played by human effort in addressing socio-economic challenges.

Across Africa, and around the world, people encounter similar problems: inadequate education and healthcare systems, mistrust of political institutions, entrenched multi-dimensional poverty and increasing inequality, the effects of global warming and climate change, the threat and effects of war and terrorism; in short, there exists a general dissatisfaction with the status quo.

Despite governments’ mandate to translate the will of citizens into policy and to deliver social goods, they are by nature less innovative than individual entrepreneurial citizen-driven efforts. The primary responsibility for driving innovation does not lie with governments. Governments’ primary responsibility is to establish conditions, incentives, and policies that enable innovation to occur. The onus for innovation in Africa that results in socio-economic improvement rests upon African society-at-large, particularly the youth.

Africa’s most precious resource is not its gold, coal, or even its oil; it is, in fact, its young people. In less than three generations, 41% of the world’s youth will be African. By 2015, Africa’s labour force will be larger than China’s. The 21^st century has the potential to be Africa’s greatest ever century.

This is why entrepreneurship is important. The traditional understanding of “entrepreneurship” is limited. Being an entrepreneur is not confined to being a business owner. Entrepreneurship, at its core, is about accepting responsibility and taking initiative. The word “entrepreneur” has less to do with launching a start-up, and more to do with an individual’s state of mind. It is a mind-set that views immense challenges as incredible opportunities to do good and to do well at the same time. It is about active citizenship.

Africa is changing for the better, because proactive, everyday people (often young people) with entrepreneurial mind-sets and skill-sets are driving that change. The rapid spread of information and communication technology, combined with a new understanding and ethic of entrepreneurship, that applies market principles towards solving social and systemic problems, is enabling a new generation to drive change from the bottom up. Across Africa, new talent is finding expression, new solutions are emerging, and new organizations are forming to meet the challenges of the 21^st century.

The South Africa – Washington International Program (SAWIP) is one example of this. SAWIP aims to inspire, develop, and support a diverse new generation of South African youth who will lead a sustainable democracy that provides a peaceful and prosperous future for all South Africans.

South Africa’s National Development Plan (which is South Africa’s 2030 vision) envisions a society characterised by reduced inequality and no poverty. In order to achieve this South Africa needs to, amongst other things, improve the quality of its education system (particularly primary and secondary schooling), and create more jobs.

To do these things, South Africa needs people who are entrepreneurially-minded, and have the skill-set to effect innovative solutions. This is the power of entrepreneurship in South Africa and across Africa: everyday people who pro-actively pursue their passion and effect social change in their context in innovative ways.

Social change frequently begins with a single entrepreneurial catalyst: one obsessive individual who identifies and accepts responsibility for a particular problem, envisions a new solution, and takes the initiative to act on that vision. South Africa, and Africa, has a plethora of these individuals.

Africa has come a long way from being the “Dark Continent” it was once considered to be. The 21^st century promises to be Africa’s entrepreneurial revolution.

Tonight, I am heavy-hearted: not being in South Africa in this time that South Africa (and the world) grapples with the inevitable and ostensibly imminent passing of Madiba is difficult. As South Africans, we should not selfishly hold on to Madiba, but allow him to journey on in peace.

In these gloomy days, I would like to be home with my fellow South Africans to thank Madiba for his contribution and celebrate and advance his legacy. Yet I recognise that it is because of the sacrifice of Madiba, and many others, that I am able to be in the USA at this moment.

On the occasion of the first anniversary of South Africa’s first democratic elections, Madiba said: “There is no short cut to the country of our dreams.” Each and every South African has an important role to play in ensuring that the country of our dreams becomes a reality for all who call South Africa home.

Madiba played his role in this effort. The truth is that Madiba is only one pebble on the beach, one of thousands; he is a very significant pebble, but a pebble all the same. His contribution and legacy serve as an inspiration and challenge to many to continue the work of nation-building in South Africa, and the attainment of the vision articulated in the preamble of the South African Constitution:

“We, the people of South Africa, Recognise the injustices of our past; Honour those who suffered for justice and freedom in our land; Respect those who have worked to build and develop our country; and Believe that South Africa belongs to all who live in it, united in our diversity. We, therefore, through our freely elected representatives, adopt this Constitution as the supreme law of the Republic so as to:

• Heal the divisions of the past and establish a society based on democratic values, social justice, and fundamental human rights;
• Lay the foundations for a democratic and open society in which government is based on the will of the people and every citizen is equally protected by law;
• Improve the quality of life of all citizens and free the potential of each person; and
• Build a united and democratic South Africa able to take its rightful place as a sovereign state in the family of nations.”

Thank you, Madiba, for your immense contribution to South Africa and to the world. We will continue the work to which you dedicated your life.

After a long and thoroughly enjoyable flight (aka team bonding session), we arrived in the United States of America (at Dulles International Airport) yesterday morning. Even though this is only the second of the thirty-nine days that we will spend here, I am very mindful of the fact that our time here will pass very quickly.

It makes me think of what Seneca wrote in ‘On the Shortness of Life’: “It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount of time has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were well invested. But when it is wasted in heedless luxury and spent on no good activity, we are forced at last by death’s final constraints to realise that it has passed away before we knew it was passing. So it is: we are not given a short life but we make it short, and we are not ill-supplied but wasteful of it.”

I relate this to our time in the USA in my (Pulitzer Prize winning) essay/paragraph titled ‘On the Shortness of the USA Experience’: “It is not that we have a short time in Washington, D.C./Virginia/Maryland and New York City, but that we may be wasteful of it. Our time in the USA is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount of opportunities will be given to us for the highest achievements (both independently and interdependently) if we invest it well. But if we waste it in heedless home-sickness, close-mindedness, and not being willing to step out of our comfort zone; and spend it on no good activity, we will be forced at last by the return date on our South African Airways tickets to realise that is has passed away before we knew it was passing. So it is: we have not been given a short amount of time in the USA, but we can make it short if we do not make the most of it; and we will not be ill-supplied with various opportunities, but we can be wasteful of it if were are not proactive.”

As of today (1st of June 2013), we have completed one-third of the 2013 SAWIP program, i.e. the pre-Washington, DC curriculum is done.

Although the last two months have passed quite quickly, it has been a rather busy two months: selection camp; orientation camp; 30-hours of community service; the fundraising challenge; the CV/cover letter/blogs workshop; the Community Interaction and Leadership Development Short-Course (and its individual and group assessments); the workshop on South Africa's political history; taking the MBTI assessment; the visit to the Graham & Rhona Beck Skills Centre; the workshop on Project Planning and Project Management; the workshop on Balanced Leadership; the discussion on "Business, Enterprise, Work, and Social Change"; the visit to Solms-Delta; the visit to the Holocaust Centre; the workshop on the MBTI results; the visit to the U.S. Consulate; and the pre-departure workshop.

If (for whatever reason) SAWIP 2013 had to conclude today (and did not include six weeks of work exposure in Washington, DC - the internship capital of the world; and the implementation of our community interaction project upon our return), I would not be too disappointed. I have gained so much from and have learnt a great deal as a result of SAWIP.

One of the themes of the 2013 SAWIP Team has been the search for one's "how". I think that every member of the 2013 SAWIP Team has already established their "why": SAWIP brings together a group of diverse, like-minded individuals who are passionate about South Africa, and are committed to effecting (positive) change in South Africa. One cannot help but be inspired, encouraged, and challenged by this community of people.

Being in the SAWIP environment (as we have been for the last two months) has, for me, been a catalyst in the search for my "how". The process (and I do think it is a process) of figuring out my "how" has, over the last few years, been a frustratingly slow one; it has occurred in "fits and starts", with the brief moment of clarity followed by many moments of despairing confusion. I knew, prior to the start of the 2013 SAWIP journey, that in order to maximise my impact in effecting change, I would have to align what I care/am passionate about, what I am good at doing, and what I enjoy doing. I just did not know how best to do that.

Being in the SAWIP environment (and the SAWIP curriculum) has helped me to figure out (significantly) more comprehensively what my “how” is, to the extent that I am becoming consumed by it. In her blog, “Searching For My How” (www.sawip.org/sawip-team/team-blog/entry/in-search-for-my-how-), Jess said: “I can think of no program or process more appropriate than SAWIP to help me find ‘my how’”. I fully agree with Jess.

I look forward to the next (one) third of the SAWIP journey...

Tonight, I feel heavy-hearted about life, the state of the world, and (in particular) my contribution. I tend to feel this way every now and then. I think about why evil and suffering seem to prevail. I feel that I should be doing more than what I am currently doing, and that what I am doing does not make much difference. Usually, when I feel this way I find inspiration in quotes from J. R. R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings. I thought I would share some quotes, from The Lord of the Rings, that inspire and encourage me. I have also included one quote from J. R. R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit.

Frodo:

I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.

Gandalf:

So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.

Haldir:

The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, still it grows perhaps the greater.

Frodo:

I can’t do this, Sam.

Sam:

I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer. Those are the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in these stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going, because they were holding on to something.

Frodo:

What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam:

That there’s some good in this world, Mr Frodo…and it’s worth fighting for.

Gandalf:

Yet it is not our part to master the tides of the world, but to do what is in us for the succour of those years wherein we are set, uprooting the evil in the fields that we know, so that those who live after may have clean earth to till. What weather they shall have is not ours to rule.

Gandalf:

Saruman believes that it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I have found it is the small things, everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay. Simple acts of kindness and love.

Sam:

It’s the job that’s never started as takes longest to finish.

Galadriel:

Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.

Frodo:

We set out to save the shire, Sam, and it has been saved – but not for me. It must often be so, Sam, when things are in danger: someone has to give them up, lose them, so that others may keep them.

This week we had the opportunity to visit the South African Holocaust & Genocide Foundation’s Cape Town Holocaust Centre. The Holocaust Centres (there is also a Durban Holocaust Centre and a Johannesburg Holocaust Centre) serve as a memorial to the six million Jews who were killed in the Holocaust and all victims of Nazism. They teach about the consequences of prejudice, racism, and discrimination. It was my second visit to the Cape Town Holocaust Centre, and also the second time that I had the privileged opportunity to hear Miriam Lichterman (a holocaust survivor) share her story.

The South African Holocaust & Genocide Foundation is dedicated to creating a more caring and just society in which human rights and diversity are respected and valued. It seeks, by promoting an understanding of the dangers of indifference, apathy, and silence, to encourage empathy and compassion and a deeper understanding of what it means to be human. The 2013 SAWIP Team certainly learnt a great deal from Tracy Petersen (Education Director at the Cape Town Holocaust Centre), Richard Freedman (National Director of the South African Holocaust & Genocide Foundation as well as Director of the Cape Town Holocaust Centre), and (especially) Miriam Lichterman about what it means to be human.

The question that the experience provoked in my mind is: “How does it come to pass that people (individually and collectively) fail to recognise, respect, value, and affirm the innate humanity and dignity of every individual, to the extent that tragedies like the Holocaust occur?”

While I do not have a comprehensive response to this question, I do think that part of the answer is that it happens over time and as a result of our failure as individuals and society to be (in both private and public life) vigilantly self-aware, self-evaluative, and critical of our attitude and actions towards others and the consequences thereof. It happens when we fail to take responsibility for the influence we have and the contribution we make in our day-to-day life. Our individual actions and contribution may seem small, but they are interconnected and mutually reinforcing. Our individual and concerted actions and contribution send forth a tiny ripple of hope that, combined with other ripples of hope, can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression, suffering, and injustice.

In order for the mantras of “never again” and “lest we forget” to be more than just words, it is up to us to (in the words of Miriam Lichterman) “remember not to forget” to every day, and in every interaction, recognise, respect, value, and affirm (by our attitude and actions towards others) the humanity and dignity of every individual. In essence, we must never forget to love each other. In the words of Viktor Frankl: “Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which humanity can aspire; the salvation of humanity is through love and in love.”

The “challenge” of raising R7000 towards my participation in SAWIP taught me a lot. I learned that I am part of, and have access to, more networks than what I would have thought prior to undertaking the “challenge”. I learned that networks are essentially relationships, and that the quantity and quality of one’s networks depends on the quality of one’s relationships with others; which, in turn, depends on the quality and consistency of one’s character.

The “challenge” also reminded me of how powerful and important generosity is. Generosity refers to a willingness to give, and a liberality in giving, without expecting anything in return. It involves offering time, money, talents, a friendly greeting, a listening ear, a kind word, etc. in the service, and for the benefit, of others.

I (unexpectedly) received the R7000 I needed to raise from a single sponsor. My sponsor (who receives many requests for financial assistance) does not usually assist students financially, but chose to assist me in compensation for services rendered (pro bono) since 2010. I rendered my service over the last few years (without expectation of reward), because I was passionate about the work that I did (and therefore did it well). I did not imagine, and could not foresee, that the generosity I extended would result in generosity received.

Generosity is paradoxical: generosity begets generosity. Those who give, receive back; perhaps not in kind, but certainly in turn. It is indeed better to give than to receive, because it is in giving that we receive. By spending ourselves for the well-being of others, we enhance our own.

A few quotes on generosity:

“The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of receiving.” – Albert Einstein

“For it is in giving that we receive.” – St. Francis of Assisi

“The wise man does not lay up his own treasures. The more he gives to others, the more he has for his own.” – Lao Tzu

“Infinitely more important than sharing one’s material wealth is sharing the wealth of ourselves – our time and energy, our passion and commitment, and, above all, our love.” – William E. Simon

“I expect to pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now; let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.” – Etienne de Grellet

My status as a privileged South African citizen is something that I recognise, acknowledge, and am always conscious of. The primary reason for this status is my education, particularly my tertiary education. As a consequence of the education I have received and am receiving, I am in the privileged position of being able to pursue the kind of life I consider valuable and worthwhile.

With this privilege and opportunity comes the responsibility to pay it forward (or give back). For me, this means intentionally using my influence and talents in the service of others: to put community before individualism, public good before private good, and commitment to service before cynicism and despair. This is a responsibility that I accept.

In response to this responsibility that I have accepted, I often ask myself the following questions: “What can I do to effect large-scale social change in South Africa?” “What will my great contribution be?” “How can I change the world?”. While commendable questions, they are also (to some extent) defeatist questions that promote cynicism and despair. They can lead to responses such as: “How can I, one individual in a world of billions hope to change anything?”

We should avoid the urge to quantify the change we effect. We also should not postpone making a difference to some distant future date when we think we will be in a (better) position to effect large-scale change or make a great contribution. The truth is that we are all effecting change all of the time. Our actions are all purposeful, and all produce effects. Every single action a person takes has far-reaching consequences. No matter one’s age, physical condition, financial situation, pigmentation, gender, emotional state, or belief; every choice one makes and every action one takes matters.

History consists of the combined effects of the many small things that “ordinary” individuals do every day. History, as Leo Tolstoy put it, comprises: “An infinitely large number of infinitesimally small actions”. We effect change from the moment we get up in the morning till we go to bed at night. We effect change both through the things we do, and through the things we do not do. Even the simplest action or inaction (in thought, word, or deed) we take for our lives matters beyond measure because it effects change, it makes a difference.

The real problem is that if we are only effecting change unconsciously or unintentionally, then we are probably not producing the effect we would wish for.

“I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything; but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.” – Edward Everett Hale

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” – Mother Teresa

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” – Anne Frank

“If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.” – Napoleon Hill

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." – Leo Buscaglia

Personal growth is a process of learning, unlearning, and relearning. SAWIP promotes and facilitates personal growth (i.e. learning, unlearning, and relearning) through its curriculum, as well as through the interactions that take place during and between scheduled events. One of the many lessons I have learned (or more accurately, relearnt) over the last four weeks pertains to listening.

Listening is an underrated (and an essential leadership) skill. It is arguably the most valuable and the least understood skill of leadership. In my experiences (involving both myself and others), people often (ask questions and) listen with the intent to reply, to advise, to challenge, to ‘educate’, or to solve; they do not listen with the intent to (first) understand. The power of asking meaningful questions and then listening with the intent to understand is the power to influence hearts and minds. More consequentially, it is the power to meet a core desire – to be heard and understood. People want to be listened to, and they want people around who will listen.

A man who once met Sigmund Freud described Freud’s manner of listening as follows: “It struck me so forcibly that I shall never forget him. He had qualities, which I had never seen in any other man. Never had I seen such concentrated attention. There was none of that piercing ‘soul penetrating gaze’ business. His eyes were mild and genial. His voice was low and kind. His gestures were few. But the attention he gave me, his appreciation of what I said, even when I said it badly, was extraordinary. You have no idea what it meant to be listened to like that.”

I will never have the opportunity to interact with Sigmund Freud, but I can relate to the experience of the gentleman who met Freud and conveyed, in the quoted words above, what that experience was like. On a few occasions in 2012, I had the fortunate opportunity to interact with a prominent South African. What most struck me about this individual is his ability to listen with presence; to make you feel, simply by the manner in which he listens, like there is nothing more important to him in that moment than you. Even though I do not remember everything that he and I spoke about, I will never forget the way I felt when listened to with such authenticity, presence, and unreserved attention.

Listening imparts a great deal of respect. When one listens with authenticity, presence, and unreserved attention one makes an instant impression, and builds a solid bridge for lasting connection and potential collaboration. Who can resist being around someone who suspends his/her thoughts and judgement in order to value yours?

I end with a few quotes (that I have attempted, and hopefully have managed, to arrange ‘logically’) that, I think, better convey the thoughts that I have endeavoured to express in this blog post:

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” – Ralph Nichols

“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.” – Rachel Naomi Remen

“The saddest part about being human is not paying attention. Presence is the gift of life.” – Stephen Levine

“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never do.” – Ernst Hemmingway

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” – Winston Churchill

“People love to talk but hate to listen. Listening is not merely not talking, though even that is beyond most of our powers; it means taking a vigorous, human interest in what is being told us. You can listen like a blank wall or like a splendid auditorium where every sound comes back fuller and richer.” – Alice Duer Miller

“He did it (listened) as the world's most charming and magnetic people do, always asking the right question at the right time, never fidgeting or taking his eyes from the speaker's face, making the other guy feel like the most knowledgeable, brilliant, and intellectually savvy person on the planet.” – Stephen King

“It is the province of knowledge to speak And it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes

“The word 'listen' contains the same letters as the word 'silent'.” – Alfred Brendel

“Silence is a source of great strength.” – Lao Tzu

We too often categorise people whose stories we do not know, or do not know well, according to conventional, formulaic, and oversimplified conceptions, opinions, or images (i.e. stereotypes). Our interaction with others is too often informed by a preconceived judgment or assumption (i.e. prejudice). This is to the detriment of forming authentic, meaningful connections with others that could result in discovering shared aspirations, and impactful collaboration.

It is important, in every interaction we have with others (especially those whom we do not know or understand well), to remember that people are people first (and all, at the core of who we are, essentially the same); and that every individual has a unique story to tell. Stories are how we make sense of our lives and the world. Stories are powerful. Stories inspire. Stories motivate. Stories challenge. Stories have a profound impact on people. Stories are the language of the heart, and everyone has a story.

The transformative power of stories and storytelling is something that we, the SAWIP 2013 Team, have had the opportunity to experience first-hand. In the diverse SAWIP 2013 Team, the potential for our interaction with each other to be detrimentally influenced by stereotypes and prejudice was dispelled by the sharing of personal stories. Stories, authentically shared and meaningfully listened to, have the incredible ability to foster relationships, because they break down walls constructed by stereotypes and prejudice. It is only once these walls are broken down that meaningful, enriching connections can be formed.

We became the SAWIP 2013 Team less than one month ago. Less than one month, in this context, is not a long period of time. Yet we have laid a solid foundation - greatly aided by starting the process of learning about each other’s story - upon which, I am confident, meaningful, enriching, and lasting friendships will be formed.

To truly know a person, you have to know their story. It is by asking people to share with us their story that we learn about who they actually are. May we, each one of us, have the courage to both authentically share our own story, and meaningfully listen to the story of others.

On the 8^th of April 2013, at 17h49, I received the awaited call from SAWIP’s Program Manager, Kim Williams. It was a call that I had received twice before. She said: “Thank you for applying for SAWIP”. She said it in that tone of voice that one is certain precedes that dreaded word: “unfortunately”. Fortunately, she then said: “I would like to offer you a place on the SAWIP 2013 team”. I coolly responded that I would have to think about it (as if!). My (very quick) response was: “Yes! I accept your offer!” There are still moments, when I think about the fact that I am a member of the SAWIP 2013 team, that it is a little surreal. It is especially surreal to me because of the (SAWIP) journey that I have travelled to arrive at this point.

My SAWIP journey began in 2009. It was in 2009 that I first learned about SAWIP, via one of the SAWIP posters on campus at UWC. I did not apply in 2009 because I had already committed to something else (whose dates coincided with SAWIP).

I first applied for SAWIP in 2010. I made it to selection camp, and while disappointed that I was not offered a place on the SAWIP 2010 team, I was grateful for the experience (application form, interview, and selection camp). The experience was an invaluable exercise in self-learning. My self-awareness was greatly enhanced. I also met people who inspired and challenged me (some of whom I am still in contact with today). It was a truly meaningful experience.

In 2011, I reapplied for SAWIP confident that I had grown in the year that had passed, and optimistic about my chances of going that one step further. I again made it to selection camp, and was extremely disappointed when I was not offered a place on the SAWIP 2011 team. It was, however, through this experience that I learnt one of the invaluable lessons I have learned in my life: how to deal with disappointment (which in life is inevitable). I will forever be grateful to SAWIP for providing me with the opportunity to learn this most invaluable lesson. It is a lesson which has served me well on many occasions since my SAWIP 2011 experience.

I did not apply for SAWIP in 2012 as I had (as in 2009) already committed to something else whose dates coincided with SAWIP.

I applied again this year. On the eve of the selection camp, I was sceptical and felt rather foolish for attending a third selection camp. I thought: “Am I really going to go through this again? Play the rope game again!” (I am not the rope game’s biggest fan). I decided to commit to it. I made the decision to see it as an opportunity to measure my growth, to learn, to be challenged, and to meet new people (and hopefully make new friends).

The purpose of me sharing this story is to point out what I have already learnt as a result of SAWIP. I have learnt that the only real failure in life is the failure to:

• Try
• Try again
• Do one’s best in one’s trying (or trying again)

Once one makes an attempt, there are only outcomes; and lessons to be learnt from the process. What one chooses to do with those lessons is what is most important. We can choose to use those lessons to either become better, or to become bitter; to either improve, or to stagnate.

One of the many pearls of wisdom shared by Viktor Frankl, in his book Man’s Search for Meaning, is the following: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” In the final analysis, we are each responsible for our own life and character: for who we are, who we are becoming, and who we become.

It has taken some time for me to arrive at this point in my SAWIP journey. I am very grateful for, and excited about, this journey that we, the SAWIP 2013 team, have embarked on. It is a journey which, in different ways for each one of us, has been hard won. I would not, however, change any part of my journey as it needed to be what it has been. I now get to enjoy the fruits of my tenacity and perseverance. Yet even as I do, I am very conscious of the fact that my SAWIP journey, and the learning and growing that comes with it, has only just begun.